Relationship

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Change of Heart

When love grows cold, the heart changes – Susy Pujiro

I was talking to my friend about her situation two weeks ago. They are currently separated after 15 years of marriage. They haven’t made up their mind yet about what they want to do. I suggested that she works on the relationship if she is not sure about divorce. She said she could work on making the marriage work but it was not going to be the same, because her heart has changed.

I could not help but think about our conversation for the last two weeks. What she said that day was very profound to me. I realize that love also depends on the condition of the heart. I am going to use our hand as the illustration of a heart. When we love someone, we open our heart towards that person like the palm of our hand. When we choose not to love that person, or think the relationship is not working as we think it should be, we turn the heart towards us again and the back of our hand is facing that person. When we cannot make up our mind which way we should go in the relationship, our heart is turned sideways. Depends on which way the heart turns, will be the outcome of your relationship. If the heart turns open like the palm of hand towards the person, then the relationship is restored and as always, both parties have to cooperate and willing to go through the restoration.

In my own experience, when the heart is in the crossroad of the decision, the result has been the back of the hand. The result is not what we want to face, but it happens in 9 out of 10 relationships. Even if you decide to stay in the relationship when you heart has changed, because of kids, money, social status, or the right thing to do. It will not last long because the heart has changed and love is not the same. You are only co-existing and prolonging the situation. Soon or later, you will come to that crossroad again, and you have to make the decision. Just like my friend said, it will not be the same, because her heart changed.

I looked back at my own situation and I could see it clearly now. No matter how much I wanted my marriage to work, it would not work because one of us had a change of heart. The day you think about divorce, the idea has been conceived in the heart. That means, you have had a change of heart about your love and relationship. I believe with all my heart, when a couple is happily married, the thought of divorce will never enter their mind. Because they are in love with each other and their mind is consumed of love towards one another.

Whether, it is the perfect couple with perfect marriage, or the rocky marriage that the writing is all over the wall about divorce, or the odd couple that you wonder why in the first place they get married. All comes to two things, the issue of a heart and love. I always say, no one knows what’s going on behind the closed door 🙂

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TRUST….

Trust is fragile thing, easy to break, easy to lose, and one of the hardest thing to ever get back – Anonymous.

Yes… trust is something that we take lightly but yet something that carries so much weight in life, whether it’s in business, relationship, friendship, or even in our daily life. We trust the cook when we go to restaurants that our food is good. We trust auto mechanics to fix our car, and make sure our car is safe to drive. We trust the banks where we deposit our money, that our money will be in our accounts. We trust our loved ones that they will love us forever. Everything we do daily is based on trust whether we realize it or not.

Trust in relationship and friendship, are the hardest to gain back once it’s broken. Because broken trust, creates doubt in the heart and mind of the persons being cheated or taken advantage of. Once trust is broken, you are always on guard, looking for any clues if you are ever going to be cheated again. Broken trust can make one’s mind going crazy and will eat you alive in doubt and fear.

when trust is broken, a person has to work very hard to prove that he/she is trustworthy again. This process can take a long time, or will never be achieved. I learn trust is also about one’s integrity 🙂

So, whenever someone trusts you with their valuable asset, make sure you guard it with your integrity and life because that person trusts you wholeheartedly. Whenever someone gives you their heart and loves you, you are blessed and trusted with the most valuable possession on the earth. So, please treat their heart as it’s your only possession on earth.  Hold the heart in your hands gently and treat it with tender loving care.  If you break the heart, you break the trust 🙂

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Can Love Be Manipulated?

Love is a choice and a voluntary act – Susy Pujiro

After talking to my friend about relationship and love.  I cannot stop thinking about the conversation we had, how love can be manipulated.  We both agree that love and relationship go hand in hand.  We also agree the ingredients to have a healthy relationship are love, trust, respect, communication and of course, chemistry or some say “sparks” 🙂  Love can bring us happiness and also heartache.  Love is the foundation  and glue to the relationship.  Without love, you have nothing to work on a relationship. Same with chemistry or sparks, without them, nothing lits up 🙂

Love has many facets.  There are lover’s love, family love, brotherly love and friendship love. All relationship has love as its foundation.  That is why you fall in love first, then you want to be with the person because you can’t imagine living without them.  Because of your love to the person, you want to build a relationship which you hope will turn into a marriage and make a family.

Can love be forced? No.  Even if you succeed in forcing love, that love can turn into hatred.  You cannot force someone to love you if they don’t have it in their heart.  They can fake on loving you, but it’s only temporary.  Because that forced love will turn into resentment, bitterness and rejection.  Instead of happiness, forced love makes life miserable for both parties.

Can love be manipulated? Yes, you can manipulate love for personal gain or for whatever reason you have.  In this case, you will make the person, whose love you manipulate , a prisoner of love.  The question is whether that love will last forever.  Just like the bird in the cage, waiting to be free.  It will always look for an opportunity for a little crack in the door, to push through and fly.  Once it flies, it will never come back or it will die. What you will have is love zombie 🙂

Love that is forced and manipulated will only last a while because it’s not truly love.  Because love is a voluntary act and a choice.  You can’t control when you fall in love, but you can choose to fall out of love.  I can choose who I love and I don’t love.  I can choose to love my dogs, my parents, my children, my home.  I can choose to love voluntarily.  I also can choose to fall out of love for some reasons, or I let love dies.

Love is also a matter of the heart.  The Bible says “out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks”.  Everything is conceived in the heart, then it goes to the mind and finally the mouth speaks.  So, when love dies, it first dies in the heart. When love dies in the heart, it can only be  revived if there is still a seed of love that with some TLC, that seed of love will grow again.  That’s when your relationship is restored and it has to be a 100% effort on both parties.  If there is no seed of love, no matter what you try to revive love, it will not come back to life. Just like the saying “home is where the heart is”.  When the heart is not in the home, love flies away.

In my personal experience with love, relationship and betrayal of love.  I learned without love, I have nothing to work on a relationship.   I can force and manipulate love and make the person to stay.  But it’s temporal, because soon or later, that person will leave because his heart and love have flown away.  I only hold the person as my prisoner of love without the heart, it’s an empty love.   I want a relationship with love and a heart that are given to me voluntarily 🙂

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Love or Lust

There is a fine line between love and lust – Susy Pujiro

I was talking to a friend yesterday about love and relationship and the subject became more interesting when lust came to the mixture of the conversation.  After we were done talking, I could not help myself but thinking about our conversation.

When I think of love, I think of a man who is in love with a woman whose love is deeper than skin deep and physical attraction.  This love is a heart to heart connection between two souls, they see each other through the eye of their heart because they love the person for who he/she is in the inside.  They will fall in love with the heart of the person first, and then they will look at each other through eye of love and see the outer beauty of the other person.  That is love that will stand the storms of life and will endure.. it’s true love.

Whereas lust is the opposite of love but feels like love because you are so infatuated with the physical appearance of the other person that you think you are in love. But lust will fade away because there is no true connection between two persons besides physical attraction.  It will be short lived because you are building your relationship on sand.  When the storms of life comes, that relationship will come to ruins.

There is a fine line between love and lust because they both first look alike, feels right.  They both give you the high of feeling on top of the world, but one is real and the other is not.  Be careful what you choose 🙂

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The Old Lady In The Moon :)

Love eventually will find its way – Susy Pujiro

When I was little, my mother would tell me bedtime stories.  One of the many stories she told me was about the old lady in the moon.  Whenever it was full moon, she would point to the moon and told me there was an old lady living in the moon.  Her job was to tie red string on people’s ankles who supposed to be married but if they go and marry someone else. The string is still there, and eventually they will find each other and marry 🙂

As I grew up, I forgot about the story of the old lady in the moon.  I got married to the love of my life and I thought it would be till death do us part but that was not the case.  What I learned in my journey of love, is that love doesn’t change, meaning of marriage doesn’t change, the vow doesn’t change but people change.  We can not choose to fall in love, we just fall because love is like wind, you don’t know where it comes from but you can feel it touching you.  At any moment, we can choose to fall out of love because we have a change in heart.

I was reminded of the story while I was talking to my friend about relationship 🙂  Something awakened inside my heart that gives me hope.  Yes, I married the love of my life but was he the one with the same red string in his ankle as mine..?

Well.. life definitely is interesting and here I am later in life being reminded of the story that I heard when I was a little girl.  I have hope that the man who has the same red string on his ankle as mine is out there, looking for me and when he finds me.  I will know it in my heart that he is the one 🙂

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