Change of Heart

When love grows cold, the heart changes – Susy Pujiro

I was talking to my friend about her situation two weeks ago. They are currently separated after 15 years of marriage. They haven’t made up their mind yet about what they want to do. I suggested that she works on the relationship if she is not sure about divorce. She said she could work on making the marriage work but it was not going to be the same, because her heart has changed.

I could not help but think about our conversation for the last two weeks. What she said that day was very profound to me. I realize that love also depends on the condition of the heart. I am going to use our hand as the illustration of a heart. When we love someone, we open our heart towards that person like the palm of our hand. When we choose not to love that person, or think the relationship is not working as we think it should be, we turn the heart towards us again and the back of our hand is facing that person. When we cannot make up our mind which way we should go in the relationship, our heart is turned sideways. Depends on which way the heart turns, will be the outcome of your relationship. If the heart turns open like the palm of hand towards the person, then the relationship is restored and as always, both parties have to cooperate and willing to go through the restoration.

In my own experience, when the heart is in the crossroad of the decision, the result has been the back of the hand. The result is not what we want to face, but it happens in 9 out of 10 relationships. Even if you decide to stay in the relationship when you heart has changed, because of kids, money, social status, or the right thing to do. It will not last long because the heart has changed and love is not the same. You are only co-existing and prolonging the situation. Soon or later, you will come to that crossroad again, and you have to make the decision. Just like my friend said, it will not be the same, because her heart changed.

I looked back at my own situation and I could see it clearly now. No matter how much I wanted my marriage to work, it would not work because one of us had a change of heart. The day you think about divorce, the idea has been conceived in the heart. That means, you have had a change of heart about your love and relationship. I believe with all my heart, when a couple is happily married, the thought of divorce will never enter their mind. Because they are in love with each other and their mind is consumed of love towards one another.

Whether, it is the perfect couple with perfect marriage, or the rocky marriage that the writing is all over the wall about divorce, or the odd couple that you wonder why in the first place they get married. All comes to two things, the issue of a heart and love. I always say, no one knows what’s going on behind the closed door 🙂

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